Now or never

Are you a now-person, or when-person? Or perhaps a never-person ;)?

I am a now-person, 100%. It just took me 30-something years to realize it (I will be using the 30-something still for many months to come...) A very good friend, with whom there has been excellent discussions lately, has helped me realize this. For me - when going gets tough, it really feels tough. And when life is good, it is really good. Heaven on earth.

Many, in my mind fortunate, people are able to think 'soon it is weekend..', 'then, during the holidays...', 'next summer I will...' and then they live through some boring or more difficult period or days or whatever thinking of the positive ahead. I completely lack that ability. I just don't have it. Never had. I live now, not tomorrow or next month. Or next SUMMER, goodness. That is like forever away.

My now-curse (or blessing?) has it's very positive sides, as well - I really, completely, can thoroughly enjoy THIS moment and get loads of positive energy from it. Any moment, and it don't need to be anything special. It can be a silly laugh with a 2-year-old when I have absolutely no idea what he is tryng to say (LAMA LAYTTI is for example Lightning McQueen...), a starry night, or a car ride with a warm cup of coffee. Sitting opposite the fire-place and crocheting (the moment I take as frequently as I can). 

A message from a friend I haven't really talked to for years, a call back, and after a couple of sentences she feels like my big sister  again (I have 1 real one, and many who feel like one). Having a lively discussion at the dinner table with the kids. Looking out the window at the snow, and seeing a waxwing (they somehow belong to the snowy scenery, don't they?) sitting in a nearby tree. 

And THESE would be the examples from yesterday only ;)

Also - I tend to forget negative things (too) quickly. Like arguments (all too often I need to ask 'why are you silent? Is something wrong? AAAAA, that....'). Or that kids have been sick. Or that there was something I was (supposed) to worry about ;).

I don't know, why I am like this. Perhaps too many plans changed or destroyed. Too many disappointments. Too many very difficult periods when you just sit down and remind yourself 'I really love life, all of it. I will get through this. What don't kill me, makes me stronger'. And - many many opposite moments - Long dinner with your best friends. Wonderful shopping trips with the best big sister ever. Seeing your son write his name for the first time. Having a glass of champagne in a luxury resort when the sun is going down. 

It all balances in the end, is my belief. Fortunately and unfortunately.

To you, all my dear readers, from under the blanket - I wish you many many small positive moments for today :)!